There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
