Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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