How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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