just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
