Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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