the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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