I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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