The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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