Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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