id be glad to
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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