in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
