A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
