Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
