if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
