I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
