I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
