I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
