mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
