Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
