I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
