I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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