Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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