I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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