Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
