We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
