She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
