oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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