i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
