He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
