do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
