So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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