i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
