some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
