we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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