You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
