dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
