I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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