gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
