I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
