Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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