I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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