i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
