There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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