if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Randomize
