if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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