so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
