Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
