drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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