I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
