Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Pants are for mortals
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
