Moan for me like Helen Keller
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
