You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
