He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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