I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
