I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
