I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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