I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
