At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
