just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
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