Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
50% drunk capacity currently
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
