Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
one two three fourrrrnication!
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Rumble strips road head = magical
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
