he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I need a beard to bite.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
