You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
