this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
