it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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