guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
