How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
