my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Two words: nipple clamps
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