I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
