Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
