Me too!
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
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