Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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